Dialogue is central to the teaching of mindfulness (Kabat-Zinn 2019). First, students become acquainted with their inner dialogue, the ceaseless chatter of thoughts that characterizes ordinary consciousness, learning to be the observing witness to their own thinking mind while doing their best to notice and then release whatever judgements arise. Then, we practice bringing this same nonjudgmental awareness to the outer dialogue, as best we can. “Learning to listen and participate in conversation with others is the heart of … healing, and of true communication and growing” (Kabat-Zinn 2019:1190). Kabat-Zinn points out that the etymology of the word “dialogue” (from the ancient Greek “dia-logos”) refers to the “speech between persons,” highlighting how words can form bridges between minds. “Just as we need to feel open and safe in our own meditation practice, so we need to create enough openness and safety and spaciousness of heart for people in a meeting to feel safe in speaking their minds and from their hearts without having to worry about being judged by others” (Kabat-Zinn 2019:1190). This sense of nonjudgemental awareness and group support is an important part of any collective mindfulness practice. By adding a contemplative component to seminar courses, instructors can lay the foundation for mindful or active listening, help students cultivate self-awareness and the metacognitive skills required to navigate potentially triggering classroom discussions and self-regulate. So, in addition to supporting individual student wellbeing, mindfulness can help us to communicate across difference and cultivate civil discourse in the classroom.
There are a few ways that learning mindfulness skills can support dialogue across difference, including cultivating self-awareness, meta-cognition, self-compassion, compassion for others (metta), and a tolerance for paradox and not-knowing. These qualities can all contribute to authentic dialogue. Mindfulness can also help us connect with curiosity, openness, and nonjudgemental awareness, an essential ingredient in productive dialogue that helps build bridges across identity, experiential, and cognitive divides. Meditation may “soften the sense of self” that often leaves us feeling isolated and disconnected, according to psychiatrist and Zen priest Robert Waldinger (Waldinger 2022). From this expanded sense of self, curiosity can arise.
Mindfulness, curiosity, and dialogue
“To know the truth, only cease to cherish opinions” – 3rd Zen Patriarch
Among the qualities that a mindfulness practice can cultivate is curiosity. In many ways, curiosity is the opposite of judgement, and mindfulness – focused nonjudgemental attention in the present moment – helps us observe our own judgements as they arise and question them. This can lead to an openness and curiosity about ourselves and others. When we notice an opinion, mindfulness asks, “Why do I believe that? Where did that opinion come from? How do I know it is true?” Over time, we begin to see constellations of opinions, patterns of thinking, and packages of judgements that arise during meditation as we witness thoughts, emotions, and sensations come and go. We practice observing and letting go, repeatedly. If we can stay alert and aware in daily life, we can notice when a judgement arises (about ourselves or others) and take a step back and ask, “is it true?” There is something scientific about the emphasis placed on observing in mindfulness practice, only in meditation we are observing our internal experience as well as sense perceptions. Good science starts with questions, not beliefs or opinions, and maintains a state of openness to whatever is discovered.
In mindful dialogue, when we can cultivate genuine curiosity and authentic presence, we create space for something new. There is room for surprise when we can grasp our opinions less tightly and not believe every judgment or thought that arises. Sometimes this is referred to as “deidentifying” from our thoughts, taking a step back to invite some distance between our awareness and our identification with “thinking mind.”
Judgment: closed, fixed, inflexible, stationary, rewarding/punishing. A terminus.
Curiosity: open, questioning, malleable, flexible, moving, embracing, searching. A journey.
Where most of us falter is that our identities are bound up with sets of beliefs and opinions. We cannot help but form our sense of self out of how we interpret experience and what we believe to be true based on this interpretation. So, when we encounter someone with a very different worldview, it can feel as if they are threatening our very sense of self. This is especially true when our self-esteem is pegged to a set of opinions or beliefs. When caught in our ego-identities, we may fight to the death to avoid feeling diminished in our sense of self, or to hang onto what we see as the moral high ground.
It should be noted here that debate is not dialogue. In a debate, persons compete to see whose set of opinions will emerge victorious. Civil debate has its place, and when done with respect it can be an extremely useful way to explore ideas, concepts, and arguments, as in political debates that allow voters to learn about candidates. But dialogue, particularly mindful dialogue, is different. When approached in the right way, mindful dialogue can allow persons to observe their own thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations while engaged in an exchange with another. This self-awareness may open the door to entirely new ways of seeing an issue or perceiving another person. At its best, it can help us appreciate the common humanity underneath our ego-identities by allowing us to meet in the space beyond opinions. “In dialogue the whole structure of defensiveness and opinions and division can collapse; and suddenly the feeling can change to one of fellowship and friendship, participation and sharing. We are then partaking of the common consciousness.” (David Bohm, “On Dialogue”).
It can also help us to listen with our whole selves, noticing when the clamor of our thoughts has drowned out the voice of another and returning to focus on their words. Mindful dialogue can keep us grounded in compassion, both for ourselves and for others. This is extremely important when discussing sensitive topics that have the potential to wound. With the presence that arises with mindful awareness, comes the possibility for empathy. Then, we are less likely to make an enemy of a person with opinions that contradict our own, and more likely to perceive our common humanity. To cultivate presence, we need to let go of our normal mental and emotional preoccupations and focus instead on maintaining an attitude of open and alert attention to another. By balancing cognition with awareness, we make room for new perceptions. What will grow in the spaciousness created by paying attention to another in this way? Are you curious to find out?
